Why does it only happen with certain people?

Think about someone you can talk to without giving it much thought..

You don't rehears what you're going to say.

You don't worry about whether you sound 'intelligent enough'.

You don't think about where to put your hands.

You don't notice your voice

...you just talk, righttt?

Now think about someone else...

Maybe they're more senior than you.

Maybe you really like them (or hate them).

Maybe you need their approval.

Maybe they're someone whose opinion of you carries a lot of weight.

And suddenly, you're an entirely different person.

You think before you speak.

You second-guess yourself.

You become very aware of how you're coming across.

You might even struggle to explain something you could normally explain easily..

isn't it interesting? because you're still the same person...

You haven't suddenly lost your expertise.

You haven't forgotten how to communicate.

Your vocabulary didn't just vanish.

But something about that particular interaction changes how you experience yourself.

I've seen this with people who are extremely knowlegable and worked in companies like PEPSICO, Moderna, Intel, TikTok..

They told me:

“I can talk to clients all day.”

“I can present to a large group.”

“I can have difficult conversations without a problem.”

“But put me in a room with my boss and i become someone else.”

OR

“I can talk to people 1-on-1.”

“But when that person is sitting there, i can't seem to get my thoughts out.”

OR

“I know exactly what i'm talking about.”

“Then they ask me a question and suddenly i feel like i have to prove myself.”

That's why i pay attention to who is actually in the room.

Not just the size of the audience, but the person you're speaking to can matter just as much.

Because sometimes it's not the situation itself that creates the reaction...

but what that person represents to you:

- their judgment

- their authority

- their expertise

- their approval

- their expectations

Or simply the possibility that they might see you differently if you get something WRONG.

And that can ruin the entire speaking experience.

You might not consciously think any of those things.

You may just notice that you're more nervous around certain people.

But if you compare the situations, you may start to see a pattern.

• who can you speak freely around?
• who makes you more careful?
• who makes you want to get everything right?
• who makes you think twice before answering?
• who do you most want to impress?
• and who do you most want to avoid disappointing?

Those differences matter..

'cause if you only describe the problem as “i get anxious when i speak” you miss a lot of useful information.

The more interesting question is what changes when you're speaking to that particular person.

That's where your own pattern starts becoming clearer.

-waqas

PS--think of one person you can speak to without thinking about yourself at all.

Then think of one person who makes you much more self-conscious.

Noticed the difference?

Root Before Skill

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