So why does it happen in THAT room?

You can spend entire evening talking to friends and never once think about how you sound or if they are judging you.

You’re not monitoring your voice.

You’re not rehearsing your next sentence... you’re just there:

Talking. Listening. Being YOU.

But then you walk into a meeting on Monday morning and something changes:

Maybe your boss is there.

Maybe it’s a room full of senior people.

Maybe you have to present something you know inside out.

Or someone asks you a question you weren’t expecting and suddenly, you’re very aware of yourself..

You become self-conscious and not self-confident:

How am i coming across?

Am i talking too fast?

Did that answer make sense?

What if they disagree?

What if i don't know the answer?

A few seconds ago, you were just talking. Now you’re watching yourself talk...

And that’s when things start to go south...

You lose your train of thought.

The answer you knew was there, now disappears.

You hear yourself saying something that doesn’t quite sound like you.

Then it’s over.. and you’re sitting there thinking:

“why did i do that?”

“I knew the answer.”

“I should have said that.”

“I don’t know why i get like this.”

I know that feeling well. And i’ve seen it in people who are exceptionally good at what they do.

That’s what makes it so frustrating.

You know you can communicate, you’ve done it maybe 100's of times.

You can explain complicated things.

You can think on your feet.

You can have a great conversation without giving any of this a second thought.

But put certain people in the room, raise the stakes a little higher, and BOOM! It can feel like you’ve misplaced a part of yourself.

Almost like the words are still there, but there’s a glass window between you and them.

You can see the answer.

You just can’t quite reach it.

And usually, there’s something about that particular room.

Maybe it’s your boss or it’s someone you really respect (or hate.. that can also happen)

Maybe it’s a room full of people you feel you have to impress.

Maybe it’s being challenged in front of everyone.

Maybe it’s having to answer before you’ve had time to prepare.

Maybe it’s simply the possibility of being perceived as wrong.

Whatever it is...

something about that situation matters to you.

Sometimes much more than you realize.

So.. this is where I think we often look in the wrong place:

We see the shaky voice.

The blank mind.

The overthinking.

The sweating.

The rambling.

Or the silence.

But those things are often more like smoke - the symptoms of the fire.

And the fire may be somewhere else.

I’ve worked with people who weren’t actually afraid of speaking.

They were afraid of looking incompetent.

Of disappointing someone.

Of being exposed as not good enough.

Or of getting something wrong in front of people whose opinion mattered to them.

The speaking was just where the problem showed up.

So I pay attention to what happens right before things start to go sideways.

Who’s in the room?

What suddenly feels important?

What are you trying hard to get right?

What are you worried might happen if you don’t?

That can tell you a lot.. aand you may start to notice the same pattern showing up in different situations.

Different people. Different meetings. Different stakes.

But the same reaction.

Your chest tightens.

You start overthinking.

You feel like you have to get everything right. And suddenly..

Something that normally feels easy becomes really difficult. Almost inaccessible.

That’s what i’d pay attention to, if i were you.

-waqas

ps--the next time it happens, don’t immediately try to fix it.

Instead notice the moment when the room seems to change..

that may tell you more than another hour of practicing what you’re going to say.

Root Before Skill

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