There’s a question i often come back to when someone tells me they freeze in a meeting:

“What were you worried would happen?”

Usually, the first answer is pretty simple.

“I’d look stupid.”

“I’d mess up.”

“I wouldn’t have a good answer.”

“I’d lose their confidence in me.”

But there’s often a little more underneath it...

Because if you think about it, getting one question wrong in a meeting probably isn't going to ruin your career.

You might stumble.

Someone might disagree with you.

You might say something that could have been said better.

Most of us survive those moments.

So why can they feel so serious while they're happening?

I remember working with someone who was extremely knowledgeable.

There was no question about his ability.

But put him in front of certain people and he would prepare for everything.. even script the entire presentation:

He'd think through possible questions.

He'd rehearse his answers.

He'd go over the presentation again.

And again...

He was trying to make sure there was no way he could get caught off guard.

That makes sense when you look at what was really bothering him.

He wasn't simply trying to give a good presentation.

He was trying very hard not to be seen as someone who didn't have the answer.

That's a different thing and i've seen versions of this many times...

• some don't want to look inexperienced
• some don't want their boss to question their judgment
• some don't want their colleagues to think they're not as capable as they seem
• some don't want to be wrong in front of people they respect
• some don't want to give anyone a reason to doubt them because of visible nervousness.

When that's what's at stake, “just relax” isn't particularly useful advice

..neither is “be confident.”

You can tell yourself both of those things all day...

your body may still react as if something reallyy important is about to go wrong.

And this is where i think it's worth getting curious about your own experience.

Think about the last time you struggled to speak when you normally wouldn't.

Forget the presentation for a moment...

What were you trying to make sure didn't happen?

Were you trying not to look foolish?

Not to disappoint someone?

Not to lose credibility?

Not to be exposed?

Not to get something wrong?

There may be something there.

Because sometimes the reaction makes a lot more sense once you understand what the moment means to you.

And that's also why i don't think there's one answer for everyone who says, “I get nervous when i speak.”

The words may be the same.

The reason underneath them can be very different.

-waqas

P.S.--If you think about one recent situation where you froze or overthought everything, ask yourself what you were most afraid people would think about you if it didn't go well.

You don't need to do anything with the answer.

Just notice what comes up.

Root Before Skill

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