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Fear of Not Being Able to Overcome Nervousness or Anxiety
Published about 2 years ago • 5 min read
8th Issue of Newsletter
Free Your Voice from Speaking Anxiety
Happy fearless Sunday!
Fear of appearing nervous and not being able to overcome nervousness plays a central part in our public speaking anxiety. Let's get to the bottom of this today!
FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO OVERCOME NERVOUSNESS OR ANXIETY
Have you ever been nervous about appearing or being seen as nervous?
It happened to me.
I used to feel nervous that I would appear nervous.
People would see it as a sign of weakness, and I would be rejected as a public speaker and as a confident person.
Core limiting beliefs behind the fear of not being able to overcome nervousness:
Being seen as nervous is bad or weak
Showing vulnerability is bad
1 - Being seen as nervous is bad or weak
If someone has this limiting belief, this is all they might be thinking before and during their talk:
My heartbeat is racing.
My face is sweating.
My voice is trembling.
My hands are shaking.
The audience can see every bit of nervousness in me—thanks to the Spotlight Effect.
I am being perceived as weak and nervous. There is no place for me in public speaking. I am a lost cause 😞.
Guess what will happen next?
Yeah right, they will feel even more nervous. They may get so nervous that it would trigger a panic attack and a flight response. They may leave the stage in the middle of their presentation.
This reminds me of an infamous panic attack that a Hollywood film director, Michael Bay—best known for directing Transformers film series, and you might think he had mastered being at the center of attention and facing public—had on stage during a live interview.
Michael Bay, Hollywood film director
During the interview, he was fidgeting, turning his back to the audience, and doing everything he possibly could to hide his nerves.
He did his best but couldn't hold it.
Finally, he had to apologize to the host and fled the stage.
Now you might be thinking what we can do to avoid this.
I'm glad you asked 😃.
Let me remind you one more time how anxiety and panic attacks are tied back to our core limiting beliefs:
The best and permanent solution is to identify and eliminate the core limiting beliefs causing us anxiety and panic attacks.
Let's attack the limiting belief that "being seen as nervous is bad or weak".
The one big reason you get nervous is this ...
You CARE ABOUT that speech, that talk, that presentation, that occasion.
Since you care about it, it makes you nervous that you must do your best, which is a good thing as it makes you spend more time preparing and rehearsing the talk.
Otherwise, you may just go under-prepared and wing it.
Stress and nervousness are nature's ways of telling you and your body that something important and worthwhile is coming up so don't mess this up—it makes you perform at your best.
If you want to learn more about it, buy this book today: The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal—it's such a powerful book that changed the way I think about nervousness.
Know that appearing nervous on stage is not as bad as we might think.
It's a sign that you care about your speaking engagement.
It humanizes you.
It makes the audience relate with you as a human being.
No one can relate to and like an emotionless person: the fact that you have these emotions and signs of nervousness and excitement, people can tell that you are one of them.
Embrace it 🤗.
The more you show willingness to embrace it, the more confident you will become on stage—'Tis the secret folks.
Public speakers who say that they are as cool as a cucumber, oftentimes they are as inspiring as a cucumber—translation: BORING!
Therefore, we don't want to remove speaking nerves, we want to have a good relationship with them—we want to manage them before and during our speaking engagements.
This is the difference between a nervous and a confident speaker:
Both experience speaking nerves, but one (confident) knows how to manage them and the other (nervous) does not ...
which reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain:
Let's aim for becoming confidently nervous—a term I learned from my mentor, Kit Pang.
Being diving deep into this belief, let's define vulnerability:
"Vulnerability is the willingness to show emotions or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known". (Dictionary.com)
In November 2023, I delivered a speech at the local toastmaster club in Lakewood CO.
In that talk, I exposed my weakest and most vulnerable moments from a public speaking situation in the past where I failed miserably—and that too in front of my friends and on camera.
I shared ...
how humiliated,
embarrassed,
and shameful I felt.
On that day, I lost my self-confidence and wanted to hide someplace far and dark from where even I couldn't see myself.
Then I told the audience how I used it as fuel for my passion to fight back and redeem my lost self-confidence by overcoming my public speaking anxiety.
This is the feedback I got from the person who evaluated my speech:
"Waqas, you have this ability to be vulnerable with so much confidence. You make it almost impossible for us (the audience) to not root for you. Each one of us had gone through something similar and we can relate with you and the way you felt."
Which reminds me of a quote by Patrick King:
"Being vulnerable and open to others is a deeply satisfying activity on many levels"
Being vulnerable is an opportunity to make deeper connections with people around you.
It may seem ironic but showing vulnerabilities makes you courageous. It shows your willingness to accept weaknesses and readiness to transform your life for good.
It holds the key to finding happiness, self-acceptance, joy, and a sense of good enough-ness.
Think of the stories we love the most ...
They start with the protagonist being portrayed as miserable, lost, laid-off from the job, alone, and a total failure.
Then he or she goes through a transformation of some sort and at the end of the story they emerge as being the opposite of miserable and a total failure.
That's why transformation stories go viral on the internet all the time.
People are not interested in a story (or a talk) that starts with us being amazing all the time, doing amazing things, and collecting all those amazing awards and accolades.
People can't resonate with such an unrealistic "super-human".
No one likes a braggart who only boasts about his success and achievements.
Ending this week's issue with the amazing Michael Scott's GIF ;)
I would be remiss if I didn't mention this great TEDx talk on the power of vulnerability, go watch it.
BRINGING IT HOME
TL; DR
Your fear of not being able to overcome the nervousness and anxiety stems from these core limiting beliefs:
Being seen as nervous is bad or weak
Showing vulnerability is bad
The best approach is to eliminate these and many other limiting beliefs and replace them with the ones that are conducive to gaining self-confidence, and I can help you with that.
Feedback: If you have any thoughts or any questions about this week's issue, do not hesitate to reply to this email [waqas@denverspeakup.com]. I will be happy to read and respond 😀.
THREE MORE WAYS I CAN HELP YOU
1 - 1:1 coaching - I'm now offering 1:1 coaching (limited openings) to help you overcome the crippling fear of public speaking (in under 2 months) by eliminating limiting beliefs and gain the self-confidence you always wanted.
2 - Free live webinar - I will host a Live FREE Webinar on Friday (@12:00 PM MT, 11:00 AM PST, 01:00 PM CST, 02:00 PM EST) in which you will learn three secrets to overcoming your public speaking anxiety.
3 - Social media - I regularly share practical tips and insights on public speaking and communication skills. If you are active on Youtube, Instagram, or Threads, let's connect.
P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from this newsletter, I’d love to have them join our community of public speakers. They can subscribe here. Thanks!
The only newsletter you'll ever need to speak with authority in meetings that decide promotions, opportunities, & recognition -- with little to no anxiety (Loved by 1300+ readers every week)
