Do you still think about it after the meeting?

You know the feeling..

the meeting is over and you’re back at your desk, maybe making coffee, answering emails, getting on with the rest of your day.

And then your mind goes back to that one moment...

“that answer was terrible”

“why did i say it like that?”

“I should have just said…”

“did they notice i was nervous?”

“why couldn't i think of that when they asked me?”

So you replay it...

Sometimes once, sometimes 10 times.

And the annoying thing is that you usually know exactly what you wish you'd said:

the answer comes to you perfectly, but just "a little too late".

I've seen this become a pretyy big part of the problem for some.

They don't just have a difficult moment in the meeting.. they carry it around with them afterward.

Then the next meeting comes along and they're already thinking about the last one.

“I don't want that to happen again.”

So they prepare more.

They think more.

They watch themselves more closely.

And now they're going into the next conversation with the previous conversation sitting in the back of their mind.

You can see how that starts to build..

One awkward moment becomes something you don't want repeated.

Then you start trying to prevent it.

Then you become more aware of yourself.

Then speaking feels harder.

Then you have another moment you don't like.

And you think about that one too.

I've had people tell me they remember something they said months ago.

Nobody else remembers it (they probably forgot about it 5 minutes later).

But the person who said it is still carrying it.

Which means difficult part isn't always what happened in the room.

Sometimes.. it's what you make the moment mean afterward.

Think about the last time you felt you didn't speak well.

What happened afterward?

• did you move on?
• or did you spend the rest of the day thinking about it?
• did you start planning what you'd do differently next time?
• did you become even more careful about how you speak?

If you recognize that, you're not alone.

And it may be one of the reasons you've been trying so hard to fix this for so long.

-waqas

PS--Next time you catch yourself replaying something you said, notice how long you stay with it.

Don't do anything just yet..

just notice what your mind does with the moment after it's already over.

Root Before Skill

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